Over the past few weeks, I've been praying to be the person who I say I am, even in times of trouble. From somewhere in my childhood I remember being instructed to pull myself together before I went out in public. Its not that my problems completely disappeared, but it was a way of having me be present to choice. In that moment, I could either stay in my own mess or I could make another choice. I could choose another way of being. This, of course, it the metaphysical approach to my own childhood and in no way represents what I actually felt and thought in those moments. The point remains, that I have an obligation to 'remember myself' and act like I was raised. Fortunately I have a ton of people in my life who know me and remind me everyday of who I am and what I have chosen my life to stand for. I value consistency.
Last night, I was bored with the TV and listless in general. For some reason unknown to me, I was led to grab a bible and sit for a while with Jesus. So I grabbed my old bible; the red one with my name inscribed that was a gift from someone long since forgotten. Even though I consider myself to be Spiritual, my roots are definitely Christian. Sitting for a while with Jesus seemed to be a perfect prescription for what was on my heart. I needed and ol' fashioned Word from God. So I open the Word and began to read whatever was there. I was home alone so I read aloud, as if standing in a pulpit. I could've preached, to be honest.
Now, back in 1984 when I first entered Simpson College in San Francisco, a Christian college run by the Christian Missionary Alliance, the very first class I completed was The Parables of Christ. I can break down most parables forwards and backwards. I can talk intelligibly about why a particular parable suited the times or what cultural context was being used so that listeners understood the message in the parable. My favorite parables are the tripartite parables. In these parables, its as though the Christ is saying, "here, let me put this another way as to deepen your understanding. I digress...
I when I got to the parable of the talents (Matthew 25: 14-30), I was reminded of the value of service and contribution. I got clear that our gifts and talents are to be used for the greatest good, not just for empty service or to maintain status quo. God expects an increase! Ah ha! I knew it. God, as I was raised and taught, expects us to take what we are given, and do something with it. My mother would call this being productive members of society. In the mystic world, its creating in every moment a new possibility. I got clear once again about my own purpose, and that which I believe that I was called to do. I also spent some time with the Lord's Prayer, but that's another sermon all together. But I’m gonna take on forgiveness like nobody’s business.
This morning, in my inbox, I found an email from a friend and mentor on whom I've come to rely greatly for a Word to remind me of who I am. He sent me the transcript from a message that Dr. King once preached. When I began reading it aloud to Damon, I didn't know the source of this text and only as I read was I present to the moment in time, the context, in which these words were first spoken. In this text, he tells a story that I had heard many times before; the story of Sister Pollard.
Sister Pollard, at seventy-two, was still working. During the bus boycott Sister Pollard would walk every day to and from work. One day, a woman stopped and offered her a ride. She politely declined. The driver moved on, but then thought about it and backed up. She asked Sister Pollard, "Well, aren't you tired?" Sister Pollard said, "Yes, my feets is tired, but my soul is rested."
He (Dr. King) spoke of a particular time when he was beginning to falter and to get weak and to lose his courage. He went to his meeting a little discouraged and a little afraid. When it was time he got up to speak, all the while wondering if they were going to win their struggle. Sister Pollard came up to Dr. King after and said, "Son, what's wrong with you?" She said, "You didn't talk strong enough tonight."
Dr. King said, "Nothing is wrong, Sister Pollard, I'm all right."
She said to Dr. King, "you can't fool me." Said, "Something wrong with you." And she went on to ask, "is the white folks doing something to you that you don't like?"
Dr. King responded, "Everything is going to be all right, Sister Pollard."
Sister Pollard finally said, "Now you come close to me and let me tell you something one more time, and I want you to hear it this time." She said, "Now I done told you we is with you." She said, "Now, even if we ain't with you, the Lord is with you." She concluded by saying "The Lord's going to take care of you."
In the oral traditions of my family, these words still have power, reminding us to continue to trust in God even when the road gets long and the way gets weary. When the load is heavy, I know that I am held lovingly and that no harm can come to me. Just as Sister Pollard said, even if no one is with me, I can take rest knowing that God is always with me. Even in times of confusion, when all the voices and opinions become a bit much to bear, I know that God is with me. When I'm feeling inspired and when I'm feeling upset, God is with me. Moreover, I know that God is for me (not the to exclusion of anyone else) and if God be for me, who can be against me? Now, I mean really. I know that God will never leave nor forsake me. I feel God all around me. Even in those who would do me harm (stay tuned for more on forgiveness, y'all). Yes, my feets is tired, but my soul is rested.
And then, I had a breakfast meeting with my new friend Paris.... Sometimes we entertain angels unaware. But sometimes we see them.....
So, as the old battle hymn encourages, I ain’t gonna wait until the battle is over. No, I'm gonna shout now, thank you.
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